Picture yourself as a narcissist, a psychopath, or just a mentally failing egomaniac who cares only about himself and thinks patriots who gave their lives for America were suckers.
Now imagine America’s enemies recruit you to harm the U.S., giving you fame, praise, and money in return. Which of these actions would you tackle first? Here are a few possibilities—how would you rank them?
✓ Fire your most experienced, best-educated military officers, including top generals, and hire an unqualified, inexperienced, bigoted, misogynist TV announcer to lead the military. He will be guaranteed to completely screw up our once great armed forces.
✓ Make enemies of allies with unilateral, sudden, adverse decisions, then criticize them for not agreeing.
✓ Cozy up to enemies, especially dictators and communist enemies like Russia and North Korea.
✓ Promise not to start a war, then initiate one and blame Biden, Obama, and Ukraine for it.
✓ Lose the war, and drain our ammunition, but continually mislead about the war’s progress with “three-week” predictions.
✓ Keep secret the cost of the war you started, both in money and in thousands of lives, some American.
✓ Deny that your unnecessary war has cause a world-wide inflation, but promise that after the elections, somehow everything will be fine . . . except we still will have inflation and lost control over the Strait of Hormuz
✓ Impose high import tariffs, especially on allies, unexpectedly and for petty reasons, while denying that import tariffs are a tax on Americans.
✓ Give tax breaks to the rich while taking benefits from the poor, notably health-care benefits.
✓ Endorse hydroxychloroquine as a COVID preventative despite its ineffectiveness and dangerous heart side effects.
✓ Appoint an unqualified, vaccine-denying incompetent to lead America’s health-care, then offer false excuses for the resurgence of preventable contagious diseases.
✓ Threaten the physical and mental health of women by denying them the previously legal right to abortion.
✓ Pardon all individuals convicted of attacking Congress, regardless of their offenses. Remember that any convictions you don’t like are done by stupid judges.
✓ Detain immigrants—men, women, and children—seeking sanctuary without trial, confine them in inhumane conditions lacking proper care, and deport them to dangerous places where they risk arrest, torture, or death. It’s the American way.
✓ Turn ICE into a private Gestapo-like police force with no restraints, that will hire thugs who can’t even be prosecuted for murdering American citizens.
✓ Defund America’s best source of true, impartial news — public radio — unless they speak well of you, no matter what you do.
✓ Punish news organizations that don’t agree with your policies by barring them from the White House.
✓ Hire an incompetent, dishonest toady to run the formerly respected FBI, to ensure that your crimes will not be prosecuted.
✓ Threaten Greenland, then make a deal with them that is identical to the deal already have had with them. That will show the world . . . something.
✓ Attempt to destroy NATO, blame Ukraine for attacking Russia, and cozy up to Putin, to make way for a Trump Tower, Moscow
✓ Start a war with our closest neighbor and friends, Canada, thus demonstrating to the world, that the U.S. cannot be trusted. (similar to its President).
✓ Repeatedly claim that an election you lost was “stolen,” despite 60+ court decisions to the contrary; be sure to hire people of no character, who will parrot your lie.
✓ Hire toadies for the Supreme Court, who will invent a theory called “the unitary executive,” which is a synonym for “dictator,” a huge step for eliminating that troublesome democracy thing.
✓ Try to deport all those born here of undocumented parents. This will be so obviously unconstitutional, that only the most extreme political hacks on the Supreme Court will go for it, but it’s worth a try.
✓ Use the unlimited power of the government purse to sue any media who criticize you, forcing them to spend their limited dollars to defend themselves.
✓ Encourage gerrymandering in your favor, of course
✓ Hire a mean-spirited jerk to slash,and randomly fire people in the federal bureaucracy, thousands of good, experienced people who provide service. This can ensure that phone calls and letters will not be answered, and problems will not be solved. Later, you will have the chance to criticize them for the bad service you caused.
✓ Politicize the postal service so they will refuse to deliver mail that you don’t like, especially mail that benefits your opposition.
✓ Attempt to end mail-in voting because your opponents use mail-in voting more.
✓ Send armed ICE goons to be “poll watchers” and to intimidate voters and election officials.
✓ Have your toadies plaster your name on buildings, coins, streets, holidays, programs, and everything else that could massage your frail ego.
✓ Enrich yourself and your family businesses by ignoring the laws about self-enrichment: Standards of Ethical Conduct for Employees of the Executive Branch (5 C.F.R. § 2635.702), The Emoluments Clause of the Constitution (Article I, § 9, cl. 8; Article II, § 1, cl. 7), and the nepotism laws (5 U.S.C. § 3110). Accept all gifts, especially big airplanes you can claim are for a library. (will it fit in?). And be sure to sell all sorts of cheap trinkets to your gullible followers, and especially cryptocurrency. That’s where the real money is.
✓ Punish our leading universities — Harvard, Yale, Columbia et al. — for exercising their right to free speech and not agreeing with your policies. That way we’ll have fewer immigrants like that Einstein guy and others raising the intellectual bar in America.
✓ Foster book burning — for the crime of “Woke”-– in schools and businesses.
✓ Foster bigotry against blacks, Muslims, Jews, Mexicans, immigrants, foreigners, women. Support pro-white male supremacist bigotry.
✓ Never display human compassion for anyone other than yourself — not for immigrants, not for the poor, not for women, not for anyone. Compassion is weakness, and you don’t want people to see how weak you are.
✓ Lie about everything — repeatedly and unashamedly. Never admit the truth; always deny. Just lie, lie, lie. Your people will believe any lie.
If you can think of other ways to damage America, I’ll add them to the list for history’s description of you-know-whom.
Hey, wait. You-know-whom already knows all this.
Rodger Malcolm Mitchell
